Why It Matters More Than You Think
Having worked in memory care for many years, and now the owner of Hello! Home Care, I’ve watched families struggle with the idea of visiting their loved one with dementia in memory care. Many don’t come at all. They convince themselves that their parent or spouse won’t recognize them, that it won’t matter, or that the changes are too painful to face. But I’ve also seen what happens when families push through that fear—when they show up anyway.
It makes a difference.
Even if your loved one doesn’t say your name, even if they don’t respond the way they used to, your presence still reaches them. They may not remember the details, but they feel safe with you. And that feeling lasts long after you’ve left. (Alzheimer’s Association)
They Still Know You Matter
Dementia can change how someone interacts, but it doesn’t take away their ability to feel comforted, loved, and safe. When visiting your loved one with dementia The sound of your voice, the warmth of your hand—these small things offer deep reassurance. Research shows that emotions linger far longer than memories in people with dementia. A familiar face, even one they can’t name, can brighten their entire day.
Some families assume their visits don’t make a difference if their loved one doesn’t seem to recognize them. But I’ve seen firsthand how much a simple visit can mean. Even if they can’t place who you are, the feelings of love, security, and connection remain long after you leave. (Harvard Medical School)
You Don’t Have to Fill the Silence
Many people worry they won’t know what to talk about, but you don’t need the perfect conversation. Simple, everyday topics are best—mention what’s happening in your life, share a funny memory, or describe the weather outside. They may not follow every detail, but the rhythm of conversation can be soothing. Silence is okay, too. Sometimes, just being there is enough.
You don’t have to correct them if they get a fact wrong or call you by the wrong name. It’s okay to go along with their reality if it brings them peace. What matters most is the emotional connection, not the accuracy of details.
Ways to Connect Beyond Words
If conversation feels difficult, try activities that engage their senses and emotions:
- Look through old photos – Even if they don’t recall names, they may respond to familiar faces.
- Listen to music – Songs from their younger years can spark joy and recognition (Music & Memory Organization).
- Hold their hand – Gentle touch has been shown to reduce anxiety and increase feelings of security.
- Take a walk – A short stroll in the courtyard or garden can be refreshing.
- Read to them – A favorite book, poem, or even the day’s news can be engaging.
- Bring children or teenagers – Many assume young people shouldn’t visit, but kids and teens often bring unexpected joy. Even if your loved one doesn’t respond verbally, their presence can be uplifting.
- Engage with their interests – If they loved gardening, bring flowers to arrange together. If they enjoyed painting, bring simple art supplies.
Your Visit Makes a Difference
I’ve watched people with advanced dementia light up at the sight of a familiar face. Even if they can’t place a name, they know when someone cares about them. They feel safe when someone they love is near. That feeling lingers long after you’ve left the room.
So, if you’ve been putting off a visit, go. Don’t overthink it. Just show up. Sit with them. Hold their hand. Even if the words aren’t there, the love still is.
And if you need support, we’re here. At Hello! Home Care, we help families through every step of this journey. Contact us here to learn more.
